A weird thing people don't know about dating
Have you ever wondered why we pick the partners or lovers we do?
It turns out there is an evolutionary biological reason for dating.
The ultimate reason is to spread your genes to the next generation.
But the proximate reason is to feel and be loved.
Or to have sex and affection and so forth.
Ultimate reasons are subconscious so even if you wanted to you are never aware of the ultimate reasons why you do things while doing them.
But the proximate reasons are conscious actions that you are aware of.
Like your desires and wishes.
But who are we attracted to when dating?
Let's dive in.
Parental Investment Theory
Back in 1972, Robert Trivers came up with a theory that states that the sex that invests more in offspring will be more choosy about mates.
In seahorses, it’s the male that invests more.
In humans, it is the woman.
Imagine that a couple has to invest in a bank account, each of the partners has to deposit money into the account before starting the relationship.
The man has to deposit $1.
The woman on the other hand needs to deposit $1,000,000.
As you can see, the woman is the one making the largest investment and is also the one choosing the man and not the other way around.
But who does the woman choose?
Very attractive and very unattractive men show the highest hostility towards women
A study of men in the U.K. found that "Men who rated themselves as either very attractive or very unattractive were more likely to show hostility toward women compared to those who perceived their attractiveness as average."
They also found that men with the lowest and highest number of sexual partners were less hostile towards women, which suggests that the relationship is complex rather than straightforward.
Similarity-Attraction Theory
Ellen Berscheid and Elaine Hatfield came up with the Similarity-Attraction theory which states that people are more attracted to people who are similar to themselves.
This might be because similarities create stable relationships, not passionate ones.
Averages attract
Relationships are all about hitting the sweet spot in the average thing because we've adapted.
People are attracted to:
Health
Age
Symmetrical features
People find faces attractive when they resemble the average facial configuration of a population.
Intelligence is Attractive
All else being equal, people report that they find romantic partners to be most attractive around 120 IQ.
People want romantic partners who are smart.
But not too smart.
Why do women pic the average man for relationships
As you can see, the average man, based on the man's self-perception, is the least aggressive. This means that the one who is full of himself (narcissist) and the one with low self-esteem is a bad investment for a woman.
The average man is a better bet and, therefore, the ultimate subconscious reason why she is attractive to him.
If she's an average woman, she will be attracted to an average man due to similarities.
The similarity in personality also helps in communicating since the hardest relationships are between the opposite sex.
Having similar personalitites makes two people think and behave alike.
Making sure your future partner matches your:
Personality
Physical attractiveness
Education
Goals and motivation
This will save the pain of divorce further down the line.
More resources
“Why We Love” by Dr. Anna Machin
“The Life Of Dad” by Dr. Anna Machin
“The Master and His Emissary” by Dr. Iain McGilchrist
“The Matter With Things” by Dr. Iain McGilchrist