How To Make Hard Decisions Empathetically Easy
This is my tried and perfected way of making tough decisions empathetically void of anxiety.
It would help if you learned this to become respected and valued in any organization or relationship.
Understanding how you make difficult decisions with your team or partner will:
Reduce your and their anxiety
Increase trust
Bring them closer
Instills predictability.
Unfortunately, most partners, managers, or so-called leaders, think being obscure is power.
Imposter syndrome or Dark Tetrad types creates a toxic environment
They hide what they expect from you.
They use you.
They change the rules every day.
They see you as a tool.
You don't have to be toxic.
Instead, make every effort to be a social, transparent, honest, and humble human being.
Here's how step by step:
Step 1: What's required must be 100% transparent
When you are transparent with people you create relationships that rely on trust.
In all my relationships and leadership roles I always start with a one-on-one conversation to get to know each other.
I'm also transparent with what's not acceptable behavior and will end this relationship or get an employee fired.
This is my way of creating a verbal relational contract built on honesty and trust.
They then know what the rules are and what is expected at work.
But most of all, I tell all this sentence:
"This is not for everyone. You might not have the personality or competence to do this job.
You need to be ok with that.
It's not your fault and it is better to quit than keep doing something you are not suited to do for your own sake as well as the company's sake."
You can of course tell a future partner this as well with this sentence:
"Maybee we don't have compatible personalitites. Or you might find some of my behaviors and worldview extremely repulsive. That is completely fine. Then you will know we are not meant for each other and we can both move on. It's always better to be honest about it early than linger."
From that first meeting, I always refer back to the rules and boundaries in any other dialog to remind them what is expected.
It's like the traffic rules when you are out driving.
Like driving safely from point A to point B.
Sometimes you need to be reminded about those rules so that you don't end up in an accident.
Because of the full transparency, they can sleep at night without anxiety because they know what is expected of them and why.
As do I since it goes both ways.
Step 2: Communication
Most people have difficulty communicating and instead of reducing cognitive friction, they increase it.
Clear contextual communication that works every time always contains:
How it should be done?
Why it should be done?
When it should be done?
Where it should be done?
What should be done?
Who should do it?
Most believe they are great at communication but a rare few are.
Most fail to communicate contextually because they expect others to know what they think aka their mental model.
Pssst. It's your left dominant brain ruining your communication and life.
You might think this is over the top, but it's not.
This is how journalists write the news so that anyone can understand the context or no one will understand.
The same goes for communication between you and others.
Simply follow this method of describing a task that should be done and you will be fine.
How?
Why?
When?
Where?
What?
Who?
But most importantly.
If an employee does not meet the expected deliverables that can be a reason for termination.
The employee should be informed of that transparently along the way.
No delays.
Always be honest.
He or she should always be 100% aware that they are not meeting their targets and that it might terminate their contract.
The same goes for any relationship.
Step 3: Always humbly refer back to what was expected
Hard decisions should be empathetically easy if you're following this method.
I have never had any shocked crying employees or date after using this methodology.
When it was time for that meeting, they knew this was not for them.
They knew why it was happening.
I have always parted ways in a good respectful manner.
By following this method you will respectfully set the rules and expectations.
They will have a contextually communicated guide to follow to succeed.
Just as driving a car from point A to point B relaxed.
They will receive contextual communication from you that they understand.
If an employee isn't on target.
They will know it's not a job for them so you can part ways respectfully.
The same goes for any person you're dating.
By following this method you will have no reason to fear the difficult decisions you have to make.
But always set aside more time for the difficult meeting than you need.
In some odd chance, you will have to be a great listener which takes time as I described in "How To Listen and Your Brain".
That has to do with their right reasoning hemisphere.
It can sometimes take time to reason with themselves to come to the same conclusion as you have.
Always remember to be humble and honest and you will be fine.
In some cases, the person is a dark tetrad type.
Then it does not matter how you do this. Empathetically or not.
They don't understand since they never incorporate new information into their existing mental model.
They simply delete what you are saying before the left hemisphere is rewritten.
If you are interested in learning how to spot dark tetrad types. Please read my article about toxic dark tetrad personalities.
Remember
Get to know each other and set the rules for what is expected.
Always deliver pieces of information contextually with the five W's.
Always refer to the expectations and boundaries.
Set aside enough time for difficult decisions for listening and you will be fine.
That's my proven method how to deliver hard decisions empathetically and easily.
PS. I have tried the other way of not being transparent about expectations or communicating clearly.
When making those decisions I ended up in chaotic meetings with shocked individuals finding themselves without a footing.
That includes grown men crying their eyes out for over an hour in the office.
That is a horrible thing for anyone to experience.
You do not want to be as ignorant as I was at 25 being a manager.