How To Deal With a Disagreeing Person in Sales and Relationships
I'll teach you my proven method in marketing and how to overcome a disagreeing person or customer.
When any person or customer disagrees with you. It only means you're not communicating clearly enough that the other person can see what you're seeing and match that to their own mental model.
Every single person on this earth has his or her own mental model of how the world works. So when people interact with each other there is inevitably going to be cognitive friction due to mismatches in two different mental models.
It's the same as taking two individual maps of New York, created by two different people based only on the roads in New York they have traveled.
As you can see, there will be disagreement over the parts they both haven't been to or the ones they have in the different ways they describe them to one another.
I'm here to tell you that it's very easy to reduce the friction if you approach this the right way.
Unfortunately, many people have empathy that forces them to mimic the other person's emotion and therefore increase the friction instead of reducing it.
Let's dive in.
Disagreement is a hidden question
A disagreeing person argues you are wrong openly because:
They don't trust you.
They need to feel in control.
They want to win the conversation.
They don't want to be fooled by other people.
Your job is to make them trust you, give them control, make them feel they won, and reinforce that you are not deceiving them.
Here's how, step by step:
1. Relationships are built on trust
You can not reach another person without establishing trust.
Being honest and humble creates transparency, which in turn creates trust in you.
Most salespeople that I trained during my 7 years teaching telemarketing were dark tetrad personality types.
Dark tetrad types are:
Psychopathic
Narcissistic
Machiavellian
Sadistic.
All humans can find themselves on the scale between 100% honest and humble down to 100% dishonest and callous. It's measured by the HEXACO test.
Humans also have a way of detecting deception and manipulation in the voice of others and in the way they formulate what they are saying.
I know when someone is lining me up to sell something to me later on.
Being honest and humble with any person will make them relax and enjoy the conversation.
As they relax they also gain access to other parts of their brain that deal with:
Listening
Reasoning
IQ
Love
Seeing patterns
It will also give them control and the feeling that you are telling the truth.
By being honest and forthcoming in giving a person more information about what you are talking about, they will feel you're not hiding anything.
2. Give them all the information in 3–2–1 steps
Giving a lot of information out transparently and honestly can come across as overwhelming.
The reason why is that when you're talking you're recollecting your mental model of the world. You're not remembering it.
But for the listener who has never heard all the information it quickly becomes overwhelming.
Instead, break up the information.
Let's say you have six pieces of facts that support your argument, product, or service.
Step 1:
In your first iteration of talking, you describe three pieces of facts and then let the other person:
Understand them
Disagree about them
Reject them
Ask what they are disagreeing about and ask to describe it again in another way. You do this so that it matches their mental model.
Step 2:
In the second iteration, you present two more facts to support your argument, product or service.
Ask what they are disagreeing about and ask to describe it again in another way. You do this so that it matches their mental model.
Step 3:
In this last iteration, you tell them the strongest fact for your argument, product, or service.
If there is any disagreement or rejection you ask them if they want you to describe it in another way so that they understand it enough.
Now, summarise all the facts and ask if they agree with the facts and information.
In sales, that is the point in time when you politely ask if they would like to purchase the product or service. You can also ask after each step.
Make sure that you don't care if they buy or not because that will manifest in your voice and they will hear it.
I was Top 5 in sales among 250 salespeople every month just by being honest and service-minded.
I did not care if they bought, or not, because my emphasis was on giving them enough information to make them trust the product or service.
As a matter of fact. I usually told them straight up. It's up to you what you want to do and I am fine with that. I also asked them if there was something they still missed or wanted me to explain.
Most people that did not purchase from me right then and there often called me back.
3. Summarize what was said
Humans have different cognitive abilities. Meaning, we all have different levels of storing information in our brain.
It's called memory.
Memory is made up of:
Working memory – IQ(g)
Mezzanine memory – middle memory (what did you eat for breakfast?)
Long-term memory – Created through repetition or with an emotion
It's a heavy ask of people to remember what you said 3 minutes ago.
A summary solves that. It's the same as listening actively, excluding the emotion.
Then you ask:
"Is there something I have missed or that you want me to explain again in a different way?"
That further solidifies that you mean well and are honest towards them.
By instilling:
Trust
Humility
Transparency
A sense of control
You will reduce the likelihood of them feeling like an idiot and therefore create a relationship that is in favour of you and them.
That is how humans have formed trusting relationships throughout humanity.
Remember
A disagreeing person does not understand what you are saying because it doesn't fit into their mental model.
Create trust by being honest, humble, and transparent about your information.
That means you need to help them match your information with theirs.
Your level of willingness to do so will determine the outcome of any trade or relationship you are trying to create.
It's like holding your lover's hand when they are frightened and insecure. Or like the guiding mother or father holding their toddler trying to take their first steps.
There is no difference since security and protection are fundamental human strategies.