The Strongest Form Of Survival Is LOVE
Most people would say love is an emotion which it's not.
Love is more a feeling that motivates humans to listen, form relationships, and spend precious time together in order to survive.
Whether it be your closest friends, biological family, your dog, or romantic lover.
Understanding the neuropsychology and neuroscience of love will shed light on why you behave the way you do.
This information is based on Dr. Anna Machin's book "Why We Love".
Now, let's dive in.
1. Survival
Love is a survival mechanism to propagate the human race.
Love is foremost the driver of starting to talk to another person. As you see that other person across the cafe the neurochemical oxytocin in your brain suppresses your amygdala to decrease anxiety and the feeling of being scared. But to get your backside off the chair, you need a flood of dopamine to get your body moving towards the person you're attracted to.
The oxytocin makes you completely disregard the possible ridicule of being rejected and the walk of shame where all in the cafe are watching your defeat.
That's how love ignites the spark of connection and, in some instances, a lifelong marriage with children and grandchildren. All these offspring have the human capital and resources to take care of you when you're old and sick.
You see, love is so much more than a feeling of euphoria and addiction.
2. Addiction
If oxytocin makes you completely numb to ridicule and rejection. Dopamine motivates your body to start moving toward your attraction. Beta-endorphins are what make you addicted to the other person in the long run and are also your natural opioid and anti-inflammatory agent.
Beta-endorphins are just as powerful as heroin, and that is why people in love suffer for months after a breakup. But there is one more neurochemical produced in your gut called serotonin that is lowered in lovers.
The effect, they suspect, is that you get obsessive-compulsive disorder from it by thinking about the one you love obsessively and by doing that creating memories that strengthen the addiction even further.
3. Attachment
Four attachment styles in humans are created by genetics and by environment.
Secure – that are low in avoidance and anxiety.
Anxious – high in anxiety but low in avoidance.
Avoidant – high in anxiety and avoidance.
Disorganized – low in anxiety and high in avoidance.
In children, these attachment styles can be tested with "The Stranger Test."
The four different attachment styles in children are:
Secure
Avoidant
Resistant or ambivalent
Disorganized
Children with disorganized attachment styles are the ones most prone to behavioral and developmental problems.
Often created by a neglecting mother.
4. Control
Jealousy is mate guarding which both genders use to protect the investment they have committed to.
Men become more jealous subconsciously during their partner's ovulation without knowing it. The reason why is that he is protecting his possibility to mate and produce offspring. Women on the other hand feel jealous when their partner talks a tad too long to another woman since he might catch feelings for her and take away the resources she needs for her and the children.
Like everything else, this can get out of control which we also see in Dark Tetrad personality types.
You only need to be one of the four to be a dark tetrad type.
Psychopath
Machiavellian
Sadist
CDC reports that 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men report physical abuse(being punched, slammed, kicked, burned, choked, beaten, or attacked with a weapon) once during their lifetime. Emotional abuse aka female indirect aggression happens to 48% of both genders in the USA.
5. Motivation
Abraham Maslow created the pyramid of motivation in the mid-1940s. He put love in the middle of the five levels. Dr. Anna Machin, who has researched love for 10 years suggests it should be on the first level since, according to her it's a human basic need for survival.
Love is what gets you off your sofa into the world to find other people you can bond with for your survival. It motivates you to help out in communities. It motivates me personally to create long-lasting friendships.
Love motivates men to be better fathers and to adapt to their female partners. Unfortunately, it does not go the other way around as women do not adapt or change for men.
One other fun fact about love is that you have enough of love.
You can become content with the loving relationships you have and not need more people to love. You see this in how many friends you can manage and for monogamous people in that they only need one romantic partner to be happy.
All the rest of Maslow's needs have no end to them.
I hope you will find love in your life
Love gives you that glow and happiness that romantic love provides.
Love gets rid of all your burdens by talking and being yourself with your closest friends.
Love is your dog jumping up to sleep in your lap.
Love makes you survive by producing beta-endorphins aka the natural opioid that also works as an anti-inflammatory.
Love makes you less prone to anxiety and it makes you move your body into action and better health.
If you're still not in love.
Then go learn to dance, sing, and move in a group since that fires up your oxytocin and dopamine, which are the first drivers of connection. But do something to get out there and connect with people. There is no other way of finding romantic love or friendship love.
Your very life depends on it.
More resources
“Why We Love” by Dr. Anna Machin
“The Life Of Dad” by Dr. Anna Machin
“The Master and His Emissary” by Dr. Iain McGilchrist
“The Matter With Things” by Dr. Iain McGilchrist